A Mission Statement for Parenting

I was on a morning walk with Harris, and sometimes he gets fussy on our walks. When he starts to cry, I can always sing him songs from the Super Simple Baby Songs (review here) and he will relax. This morning, I was tired of Baby Shark and Five Little Speckled Frogs. So I started singing songs I love about being a parent, everything from Brandi Carlisle’s The Mother to The Avett Brothers A Father’s First Spring to Dave Matthews, Darius Rucker, etc. I just love parent/child song lyrics, I don’t really care who is singing or what genre! Anyway, I started singing Rascal Flatt’s My Wish.

In this song, one line gets me every time. Water works, every. single. time. It’s when they sing “And when you’re out there getting where you’re getting to, /I hope you know somebody loves you, /and wants the same things too.” Every. single. time. Anyway, I started crying. And while I was weepy, I was wondering what it is about that line that gets me so choked up.

I realized that that line is exactly what I want for Harris. That’s “My Wish” for Harris. That when he is out there at school, with friends, working, dating, alone in his room thinking, dreaming, that he knows that there is someone who loves him unconditionally and wants all the same things he wants for himself. I realized on that walk that if I could put into words the one goal I have as a parent that would be it. And then I had a bigger thought.

What if we treated some aspects of parenting like a business? Specifically, what if we required from ourselves to write a mission statement about our parenting? And then, we held ourselves accountable to that mission? In times of trial and confusion and frustration and exhaustion and even joy, what if we asked ourselves: what would help our mission the most right now?

For me, that would look like this: when Harris begins throwing tantrums, what would help him understand in that moment that he is loved and that I want the same things he wants for himself? How could I show that to him? I don’t mean giving him whatever it is he is wanting in that moment. But let’s say he gets mad because I won’t let him have a toy in a store. I could use my mission statement to ask, what is it that he wants in this moment, and how can I show him that I want that for him too? So maybe he wants entertainment or that feeling of excitement over something new. I DO want that for my child, so maybe I could find a way to show him I want that too by saying something like, “Harris, I want you to have fun and get excited about something too. Let’s go home and find something to get excited about.”

Now, I know this won’t make his tantrum stop. I’m certainly not saying that. And of course real expectations and consequences need to be enforced, don’t get me wrong. But what I’m saying is that instead of feeling like I’m failing or feeling clueless on how to handle it, I can always return to that mission. It gives me a plan of action: “I love you, Harris, and I want that for you too. Let’s find an appropriate way to get that for you.” Even though it won’t stop the tantrum, it does communicate to him the most important thing to me as a parent.

So what’s your mission statement? If you had to sum up the one most important thing for your child to take with him/her for the rest of their lives, what would it be? And could you use that in your interactions with them to move closer to that mission?