The Conscious Parent

I heard about Dr. Shefali Tsabary on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday podcast. Oprah referred to Tsabary’s ideas as revolutionary, and after hearing the podcast, I knew I wanted to learn more.

Tsabary’s main premise is that our children are not ours to shape and mold how we see fit. They aren’t our “mini mes” destined to live the life we never got to. Our children are actually here to teach us to accept someone exactly as they are, however challenging that may end up being for us.

These ideas are revolutionary in the western world. We sign our kids up for Chinese and music classes as infants, My Gym and ballet as toddlers, and by five, they know how to play an instrument. While we may think we giving them an edge, Tsabary wants us to ask: why are we really doing these things? Is it because we never got to, so we want them to do it? Is it because we want them to be the most successful they can be? Are these things wrong?

Yes and no, according to Tsabary. She argues that we should create the environment for positive outcomes for our children, but that we cannot force them to be academics or musicians. It is not our job to encourage them to be doctors or lawyers. It is not our role to be their private basketball coach. In the end, the child needs to become who the child was meant to be, and we are there to support and watch and learn how to accept and love unconditionally.

There are many thing in the book that are controversial. But I would definitely recommend you check the book out for yourself. I got so many good lessons from it, especially while Harris was colicky. It showed me that Harris is exactly who he is, and while he may not be the baby I had imagined, he is here teaching me to accept him colic, fussiness, craziness and all. It helped me during moments of frustration because I was reminded to just accept, not struggle so much to change.

This would be a great book for any parent or anyone who is pregnant. Definitely worth checking out!